Counsel-Link
Jan-Mar 2001
Understanding Homosexual Servicemen - A Case Study
Lily Wong
Introduction[]
Introduction In the SAF, servicemen who are first enlisted may seek counselling help due to the usual adjustment or interpersonal problems, but their concerns may be complicated if they are homosexuals. Helpers involved in the counselling of these servicemen need to be sensitive to their cultural and social diversities to be effective in their help. Kluckhohn & Murray (1953) observed that every human being is, in some respects, like all other humans, like some other humans, and like no other human. Therefore, the helper needs to know not only the diversities but also the similarities. The following case study serves to highlight some of the unique aspects of the homosexual subculture and provides an explanation of the issues and challenges they face.
Brief Description of Client[]
As in other case studies involving an individual in real life, some background information is altered and a pseudo name is used. For ease of reference the protagonist in the case will be referred as N.
N, 22 years old, is a Chinese homosexual serving his National Service as a clerk in an army camp. He has been a ‘closet’ homosexual, i.e. he has no intention of disclosing his homosexuality to others, except of course his in group of homosexual friends and a few other non-homosexual friends who are aware of their homosexuality. He is relatively small-built and fair. He speaks fluent English and he exhibits effeminateness in his mannerisms.
N was enlisted immediately after completing his Diploma in a course related to Arts and Fashion, an area of interest he had since young. He lives with his family, which comprises his parents and his elder brother and sister. Within the family, N feels closest to his mother.
The Referral[]
In the SAF, some homosexual servicemen may face some difficulties in adjusting to the male-dominated military environment. Some might choose to reveal their homosexual status through their Medical officers. Help would then be given, sometimes in the form of workplace or job reallocation. That was what N chose to do. Some changes were made to his work schedule and these helped him coped better. N was also referred for counselling through his medical officer as he still needed help with adjustment. On top of that, he had other problems with which he also needed help.
Counsellor’s Preparation[]
In my attempt to anticipate the challenges that N faced as a homosexual, I constructed a Multiple Perspectives Model to Homosexuality from the individual, family, social structural and socio-cultural perspectives. (Please find details of this at the end of the article). This model is not perfect, but it helps to provide an understanding of the environmental issues and challenges the homosexual often faces. It helps me to consider the contexts and experiences of my client in totality so that I can help him effectively.
While constructing the model, I was challenged to review my worldview about homosexuality. Thus far, there has been no conclusive finding published on the topic; nor has there been any which gained wide acceptance on the cause of homosexuality — whether it is primarily genetic or socially determined. As to changing one’s sexual orientation and tendencies, it is my opinion that it is possible, though difficult. I feel strongly that homosexuals cannot be blamed for their sexual orientation and they are responsible for any consequences which they may have to face as a result of their homosexuality.
My approach toward treatment of N was to work in tandem with his counselling goals which had been made known from the time of referral. N had settled in his decision to be a homosexual and he needed help with dealing with the issues and challenges arising out of his decision. My focus was therefore to help him deal with it. If he had opted for a change-of-orientation, i.e. to be ‘straight’, my intervention would have been to help him deal with the difficulties in going ‘straight’.
The Counselling Process and Relationship[]
During the first counselling session, N’s elaborated on his counselling goals, which were to deal with interpersonal problems in camp as a result of his effeminate behaviour and to “live his own life”. Subsequently, he added the goal of enhancing self-awareness. The fear of not appearing ‘normal’ had been plaguing him due to his strong need for acceptance. Thus, he had been particularly concerned about his appearance and he wanted to become more aware of how others see him. This way he could try to ‘normalise’ their perceptions of him.
The counselling relationship was warm and amicable. I found N positive and motivated towards counselling, as he was regular in attending counselling appointments and in completing the homework assigned to him which was a form of follow up and preparation for the next counselling session.
The counselling process began with rapport building. I maintained a non-judgemental attitude and I also encouraged him to share his feelings. I focused on and attended to his immediate needs of resolving interpersonal problems with his colleagues. As the counselling relationship developed, I explored with him his homosexual lifestyle and worldviews and the issues he has to face as a homosexual. Some issues unknown to him surfaced and there was a need for him to reconsider his decision to remain gay. This was left entirely to him.
N confirmed his decision to remain gay. He was worried that I may not accept him and he asked for my personal views on homosexuality. I shared my views with him and assured him that the difference between the views would in no way affect my acceptance of him as an unique individual who is capable of making responsible decisions. In line with one of N’s counselling goals of gaining a better understanding of himself, a personality test instrument was utilised. Finally, we embarked on exploring the cultural, social, and familial issues of being a homosexual in Singapore/ military context and their implications on him. Rational-Emotive Behavioural Therapy (explained later) was the main counselling approach adopted.
I have provided a short description the problems and issues N faced and the counselling strategy I used. These will be explored in details now.
Exploration of Problems/Issues[]
Development of Homosexual Identity Together with N, we examined the progressive development of his homosexual identity. We examined the upbringing N had and discovered nothing unusual, i.e. his parents brought him up like a boy, just like they did for his elder brother whom according to N, could not be a homosexual. N could not explain the genesis of his inclination. He has always wanted to be a girl. He had enjoyed playing girls’ playthings in his childhood and used to receive feedback that he was effeminate. He had suspected he was homosexual since early secondary school when he found himself attracted to males. When he had more opportunities to be acquainted with other homosexuals, he decided that he was gay as he realised the similarities he had with them. He confided that he felt relieved because he realised he was neither alone nor weird. As he gained support from his homosexual classmates, he began to change his dressing and mannerisms. However, the changes were moderate and he did so mainly when he was with his core group of friends as he still wanted to keep his homosexuality a secret from others.
His hobbies had included collecting Barbie dolls, going for drama plays and movies, drawing, shopping and chatting with his clique of friends. N’s ambition was to be a fashion designer. He said that he might consider a sex change, but only after he was ready to “come out of the closet”. His desire was to become a housewife/mother and to be protected by a man. He visualised himself looking pretty, doing housework, and looking after children. I then discussed with N the social structural and social cultural considerations of homosexuality, listed in the attached multiple perspective model. N was aware of the considerations and he said that he would consider these carefully before making any decision on a sex change.
The Homosexual Subculture[]
A subculture refers to the common behaviour/s and ways of doing things amongst some groups of people. These groups have developed unique ways of behaving and doing things as a result of some similarities they share which differentiate them from others, and the homosexuals is an example of such a group.
N’s support group consisted of four friends- three males (also homosexuals) and one female who are aware of their homosexuality. It appeared that this group was his core group of friends who were highly dependent on one other for emotional and physical support. In fact, for N who was a “closet” homosexual, this group became his only support system because he could not confide in others.
This group’s subculture seemed to suggest the importance of verbal wits and transparency with each other. There was in-group competition on the use of wits and sarcasm, though there was a high level of intimacy and acceptance as well. The following extract, especially the highlighted portions, of the counselling session provides some insights to these:
N: We usually hang out together. We’ve known each other since school days. Gays and girls, a group of us... All the while, we were really bitchy towards other people and sometimes with one another. I think it’s our way of communicating — very bitchy, very sarcastic. But, we know that it’s all in the name of fun. So, that evening, my friend said I’m sort of like a looser in this game. She said that I’ve slackened and no longer up to the standard of being witty. To me, I think it’s quite a vicious game, this bitchiness. It’s a witty play of words. I’m not sure if you watched that show called “Ridicule”, a French period movie. It’s about people in the eighteenth century high court who ridiculed one another using words in order to climb up the social ladder. I thought that it’s quite similar to us. It’s like we’re always using words to attack one another. So, I think that’s what she meant by I was loosing the game. My reaction was to put up a front, a sort of defence. I said, “It’s OK to be a looser because in a group, there should be a balance between winners and losers. How can everybody be the winner? I’ll just be the looser.” Another friend retorted that we don’t want losers in this group. Then I tried to act stupid. It was so sweet of my friend as she said, “Oh well, it’s OK. You’re loosing but we’re still your friends. We still love you.” But, another friend was telling me that I’m very pretentious.
Counsellor: What did he mean by ‘being pretentious’?
N: I think it’s because I did not open up that much to them. When I want to avoid sharing, I’ll just change the topic. Maybe that’s why he said that. Also, he said that when they were giving advice to me, I should listen instead of brushing it aside.
Attitude Toward Problems and Decision Making[]
Since the group dynamics within N’s group was highly intimate and supportive, their problem solving and decision-making approaches were very relational too, i.e. N would seek their advice and together they would assess the pros and cons of the various options before N made a decision.
Counsellor: How does your group look at dealing with problems in general?
N: We have our points of view and they can be quite similar. They will offer their own perspectives of the problem. It’s really quite good. You will sometimes get four different views and I’ll re-examine my own situation and see if they are applicable.
Counsellor: It sounds like gathering different advice and selecting what you think is best. Do you find this method helpful?
N: Sometimes. It also gives you an insight into their life and thoughts. Sometimes, all of us will have problems and we will cheer each other up.
Attitude Toward Change[]
Although N held pragmatic views towards change, he believed his control over interpersonal relationship problems was limited. This belief affected his willingness to deal with his relationship problems in camp. The following transpired during the exploration on this reluctance:
Counsellor: I wonder what are your views about change?
N: If it’s something easy to change, it’s easier for me. If it’s something that requires me to change a habit or something I’m used to, it’s quite difficult. I may not be able to adapt that well.
Counsellor: How much control do you think you have over change?
N: If it’s the environment, I think I may be able to control it. But if it’s interpersonal relationship, I won’t be.
Counsellor: We’ve discussed about changing yourself. How confident are you?
N: In terms of the mindset, it requires time. One day, maybe when I change my thinking, my behaviour will change.
Homophobia[]
Initially, homophobia in camp was the issue that had affected N most. Homophobia is the irrational feelings of fear of the love and affection between members of the same gender. This fear could be expressed in various ways — prejudice, discrimination, denial, oppression, etc.
For N, his colleagues were covertly teasing about his effeminate behaviour and isolating him. However, over time, the teasing subsided and his relationship with them improved. N was also worried over the legislation pertaining to homosexuals, shown in the following extract of our conversation:
Counsellor: What are some issues or concerns you have, being a homosexual in Singapore and the army environment that you are in?
N: Is it illegal to be a homosexual? Is it a crime to be a gay…?
Counsellor: When you use this term ‘gay’, what does it mean to you?
N: For me, gay means that you like men. It is a physical, sexual and emotional attraction to men.
Counsellor: You define it quite well. One of your concerns is legality? (N nodded.) How do you understand it so far?
N: I think it’s illegal… (I provided information about the local legislation pertaining to homosexual activities and it’s implications to him. This can also be found in the attached multi-perspective model. Basically N’s fears were allayed to an extent after he understood the implications and realised that his emotions toward a member of the same sex is not a crime in itself.)
Another issue N struggled with was the pressure to dress and behave as a “normal” man. As N has a strong need for approval and acceptance, possibly due to his low self-esteem, he faced the dilemma of whether to act his flamboyant self which might attract unnecessary attention, or to conform to the norm but felt ‘trapped in a box’. He subsequently decided that the only way to prevent ridicule and gain acceptance from the society was to conform somewhat. Ironically, this contradicted with his desire to “live his own life” and be himself.
Counselling Skills and Strategies[]
Various skills and strategies were employed whilst counselling N and these are detailed below.
Micro-skills[]
I found the counselling micro-skills like open-ended questions, paraphrase, reflection of feelings, summarising, reframing and normalising, essential in the counselling context. Such skills transcend most cultures and subcultures, and they are useful when one is helping a homosexual client. Homosexuals, especially closet homosexuals, cannot confide in many. Therefore, they would respond well to the skills mentioned above as these allow one to share and ventilate. They would also feel understood and affirmed.
Non-verbal skills, like appropriate proximity and eye contact, are applicable in counselling homosexuals and heterosexuals alike. However, I suggest helpers refrain from using any form of physical touch when affirming or consoling same gender homosexual clients so as to avoid any misunderstanding or allegations of harassment.
Rational-Emotive Behavioural Therapy[]
I have adopted Albert Ellis Rational-Emotive Behavioural Therapy (REBT) in counselling N. This intervention examines one’s beliefs and worldviews and help is provided to change any irrational beliefs/views into rational ones. This way the individual will be helped to make rational decisions about how he wants to live and to act according to these decisions. This therapeutic approach was very helpful to N as it complimented his desire for self-understanding and how he could change thinking, emotions, and behaviour. Below is an extract of our conversation which shows N’s excessive concern over his appearance and how I used REBT to challenge his worldview and irrational beliefs.
N: I guess I am very conscious if my appearance is not right.
Counsellor: What’s the worst thing that would happen if your appearance were not right?
N: Well, I guess those people in the streets will judge me.
Counsellor: What’s the worst thing that could happen if people judged you?
N: Well, I feel that I’m inferior.
Counsellor: What’s the worst thing that would happen when people chose to judge you? Will you be the scum of the earth? Will you die?
N: No… I guess not (N began to laugh). (The use of humour at this point was intentional. It provided an opening to introduce the concept of irrational thoughts and how they affect his emotions/ behaviour. N learnt to change his irrational thoughts about his appearance.)
Challenges Faced in Counselling Homosexuals[]
In retrospect, counselling N challenged my world view about homosexuality. I struggled with the fact that N’s lifestyle and life choices contradicted with mine. I had held the view that homosexuals were destined to lead difficult and unsatisfying lives, and I really doubted the so-called ‘adaptive advantages and potential satisfactions’ of gay lifestyles proposed by some authors. Thus, I had wanted very much for N to choose a ‘straight’, life. Initially I had resisted imposing my values on N, but I was saddened when he chose to remain as a gay after we had explored the challenges he would face as a homosexual. In fact, as the counselling relationship strengthened, I encouraged N to attend a programme for homosexuals, run for the purpose of helping gays change their sexual orientation to one that is ‘straight’. I also felt hypocritical when I assured N my acceptance and respect for him, regardless of his decision on whether he would remain gay, when my desire was for him to make a different decision.
It was therefore enlightening when I read the reflective article by Kottler J. A. (1992). He stressed the need for counsellors to be congruent in their beliefs and values and their true behaviour. I realised that acceptance does not mean abandoning one’s values and worldviews and embracing another. Rather, it means I could voice my views which may be different and yet not imposing any of these on others. The important thing is not whose views the other follows, but that (s)he has weighed the pros and cons of the options available before making an informed decision on one. I also needed to reconcile with the fact that people make their own choices for which they are responsible. Letting go of my agenda is necessary.
Conclusion[]
In retrospect, I am grateful to N who gave me the privilege to enter into his world of homosexuality. I have learnt much about the homosexual subculture and it had challenged me to review my own worldviews and stereotypes. I learnt that in helping a homosexual, it is important for the counsellor to explore with the client the other challenges he might face, given our social and cultural environment in which he lives, even if these may not be the client’s goals of seeing a counsellor. This way, he would be able to make informed choices, anticipate challenges, and develop necessary coping skills to deal with these challenges that he would face as a homosexual.
Bibliography[]
Kluckhohn, C., & Murray, H. A. (1953). Personality Formation: The Determinants. In C. Kluckhohn & D. M. Schneider (Eds.), The Personality in nature, society and culture. New York: Random House, Knopf.
Kottler, J. A. (1992). Confronting Our Own Hypocrisy: Being a Model for Our Students and Clients. Journal of Counselling & Development, 70, 475-476.
Multiple perspectives Model to Homosexuality[]
Individual[]
Stereotypes/myths of homosexuals and homosexuality:
•homosexuals of both sexes have a history of disturbed relationships with either or both parents
• homosexuality is a neurotic disorder
• homosexuals have difficulty in achieving close relationships
• homosexuals are sexually promiscuous
• male homosexuals have unusually close relationships with their mothers
• homosexuals adjust poorly psychologically
• male homosexuals tend to be child abusers
• homosexuality can be reversed with adequate psychotherapeutic intervention
• homosexuality represents an arrested state of psychosexual development
• homosexuals are promiscuous, superficial, self-centred, and incapable of having a lasting relationship or “sick”
Family[]
Disgrace and shame
• the family will assert negative sanctions against family member who is gay as he/she is considered bringing shame and disgrace to the family
Social structural[]
The media[]
•the media tends to stereotype gays in a negative light which reinforce homophobia
Legislation and law/ health practitioners
• sexual activities between people of the same gender is considered as unnatural sex and is illegal under the penal code
• marriage between same genders is not recognised legally
• the police, doctors and nurses may treat gays with discrimination as gays tend to be associated with sexually transmitted diseases/AIDS
• they tend to be less sympathetic towards gay victims of attacks, which they assume, are a consequence of their own actions, that “they asked for it”
The military service[]
• it is assumed that gays would threaten discipline and morale
• it is assumed that the male bonding that takes place in combat would be jeopardised if its potential for erotic contact were condoned
• it is believed that gays are subject to blackmail in the military context
Religious teaching[]
• in most Asian religions, sex is supposed to be reserved for procreation within marriage. Sex for pleasure or as an
expression of affection outside of marriage and is considered sinful and immoral. Many religious authorities thus condemn homosexual contact.
The training of social workers/counsellors[]
• the course syllabus for social work students in our local university is not adequate to train them to work effectively with homosexual clients.
Social services for homosexuals[]
• social service agencies tend to adopt policies that do not adequately cater to the needs of gay clients.
• counsellors tend to generalise gays, based on those who are willing to seek help, which is not typical of the larger well-functioning gays.
• support groups are run by religious organisation for homosexuals who opt to be straight. No support group is available for homosexuals who wish to remain gay.
Sociocultural[]
Stereotypes of gender roles[]
• as long as the traditional gender roles are not challenged, gays will not be accepted in our society because they do not fit into any of these roles.
Cultural views/norms/values towards homosexuality[]
• Asian values system view family as the foundation of the society and thus, is less tolerant of homosexual, which is considered immoral and breaks down the family system.
Homophobia[]
• since visibility may put the homosexually oriented individuals at the risk of possible discrimination and harassment, to be visible or “coming out” is a difficult decision. Unfortunately, this invisibility may serve to maintain the stereotypes and unfair treatment of homosexuals and thus, keeps it from becoming a community or social issue.
• there is a lack of visible well-functioning gays who could act as role models to counteract the stereotypes of homosexuals and homophobia.
See also[]
References[]
- Cached web page on the Internet Archive:[1].
Acknowledgements[]
This article was archived by Roy Tan.